*shout out Jade, our thirdeye goddess.
It was clear to me that Community was going to be different from any of the other festivals I've been to.
After all, being an alcohol-free event was enough of an indication and then there's the controversial host, Russell Brand (and his wife, Laura) plus with names like the almighty activist Vandana Shiva and crazy, IceMan Wim Hof as headliners, I was quietly confident of being amongst like-minded people.
I expected it would be good.
I expected inspiration.
But did I expect to feel like I'd undergone a mass personal transformation?
Well honestly, no, I didn't.
Yet, within six wet and windy days camping in a Welsh valley my mind, my soul, my very being and existence evolved immeasurably and now, upon reflection, I feel simultaneously both underwhelmed and overwhelmed.
I mean, the most magical place on earth no longer exists. The most intense and inspiring weekend is but a mere tantalising memory of my mind. Those wonderful people are no longer around me.
How can I avoid a sense of deep loss and disappointment?
But, then the feeling of prospect, hope and motivation is also ongoing, swelling in tides of interchanging excitement and passionate fury.
What I encountered during that cluster of days in July has further provoked an existing curiosity, strengthened my intent, secured understandings and emboldened a previously newfound and fledgling faith.
I thought I knew what I'd discover and that's why turning up to Racquety Farm early Wednesday morning, I was so excited. Thinking back to the delicious anticipation of those first few days reminds me how wildly we underestimated the potent potential of this place, and the power of people.
We, being Steph and I, were part of the Community build-and-break team and had two shifts to complete - one on the Wednesday we arrived and another the day after the festival closed, on Monday, meaning we'd have the opportunity to explore whatever we fancied during the actual festival.
Wow, was there a choice!
From Friday afternoon, through Saturday and Sunday we had the opportunity to listen, learn and get involved in all manner of activities from ice baths to sound baths.
You know that saying, a kid in a candy shop?
For me, this was like stumbling upon Hogwarts, and with all the same themes.
By the end of the weekend, I'm sure we were not the only ones who felt part of something big; a movement for the good.
Step aside Dumbledore, we are Russell's Army.
I can't help but make these fanciful, mystical comparisons because this was the vibe.
An opening ceremony took place on Friday evening consisting of symbolic displays, incorporating nods to global traditions and rituals spanning across time and civilisations. Rich, rhythmic drumming, story-telling and performance, dance, a battle, a union, offerings and celebrations. The atmosphere became rich with trepidation, an unpredictability yet strange sense of familiarity causing a balancing act between fear and desire for more, to belong to this - whatever the hell it was.
Russell Brand in my eyes looked very much like Captain Jack Sparrow - he looked great is what I mean. A lot taller than I imagined and despite just being one man in a swaying crowd of thousands, his presence amongst us was palpable.
Larger than life, Wim Hof, dropped dance moves that included a display of the splits Louie Spence would surely be proud of. There was fire, there was a tinge of chaos and in the mild confusion a vulnerability that united us - just as Russell wished for in his manifesto for the Community Festival.
As a bizarrely enchanting enactment drew to a close, we were invigorated as we ushered and welcomed Russell Brand to the Awaken stage. Here he addressed us with his signature style - a combination of below-the-belt humour, eloquence and intelligence - and our objectives for being part of Community were outlined.
We were here to be introduced to some of Russell's greatest teachers in the hope we too would find their offerings useful. We were here to step out of our comfort zones and try something new. We were here to connect, to heal, to grow and to recover. Ultimately, we were being invited to unite, because together we are stronger.
And in true nonconformist spirit, we were encouraged to question everything, use our own critical thinking skills and ultimately choose whether we wanted to follow these instructions or not.
The stage was now truly set.
We had the scenes.
The cast were all here.
And we had been given our direction; whether we honoured it or not was now up to us.
At this point the festival was just beginning, but it was our third day on the small, stunning site beside the River Wye.
Navigating the place and getting from one attraction to another took just minutes, and if we weren't joined by others on our ventures, it was rare to not bump into a friendly face for a chat along the way.
Since we'd arrived on Wednesday we'd expanded from our original duo, to a trio and quickly beyond that. By Friday we had a mini mob at times, and each new character we met, brought along more interesting stories, experiences and a raw openness that could be viewed as only beautiful.
Russell told us his mission was to share his greatest teachers with us in a bid we could all learn new and helpful stuff - and oh my did that happen.
Yet what also happened is we learned in abundance from each other.
We were accepted. We were welcomed.
There was instant, mutual respect. Compassion flowed. The conversations that passed on rocks by the river, were snatched in open fields under stormy skies and unfolded whilst sitting on damp mats under a flapping tarpaulin being splattered with rain as another downpour struck the countryside around us were equally disturbing and striking. They aroused uncomfortable emotions and painful empathy. They stoked appreciation for the resilience and courage of others; hope, belief and determination bloomed. They validated us as people and as more than that even, and as just pieces of a far greater picture.
We spoke like old friends with an unspoken trust that was present from the off. There was the deepest sense of safety and it allowed us to negotiate the unavoidable stresses we encountered.
Like the constantly testing weather.
I got slapped in the face relentlessly by a wet tent door and was struck too with the fear that perhaps, despite all of this soul searching, healing and conscious way of living, I would always succumb to unpleasant emotions like impatience and anger.
I suppose I was seeking a moment when aggressive emotions no longer stirred within me because in another moment when Russell took to the stage, my perspective altered, or affirmed maybe, when he stated,
"I am deeply flawed.
I suffer from intolerance, the belief that I know how things should happen.
I suffer from impatience, the belief that I know when things should happen."
And with that my capacity for dealing with such emotions developed a notch further.
My reactions are an egotistical arrogance, they are bodily and chemical responses informed by life experience and I realise I cannot be cured of my humanness.
Which was another vital lesson I took from the example displayed by Russell Brand that we can be spiritual beings, have profound understandings and faith - and still be mischievous, crazy, fun and above all, absolutely imperfect.
We can truly be our authentic self - good and bad and all - and still be a person of spirituality and faith.
Prior to Community, I'd been battling with aspects of my identity. How could I be both a peaceful, forgiving healer and a menace to be reckoned with when provoked on the road? How could I play the part of a guide and mentor yet succumb to my own flaws so regularly?
How could I accept the friendship, the support and the kindness of people for anything at all, when I knew I was a bad person even if I'm a good one too?
Community, Russell, every soul I crossed paths with helped consolidate that it's OK and it's normal to be deeply flawed. It's unavoidable actually and our awareness of the matter is a key to unlocking the shackles of shame around our weaknesses and those less pleasant traits of our character. And we're still valuable, worthy lovable people, flaws and all.
The lessons are still occurring. Upon coming back to Leicester, applying my new thinking, new curiosities, the change and the learning is ongoing.
Across the actual weekend there was so much opportunity to try something new. You'd think that would have been an easy quota to fulfill.
However we all have the capacity to suffer from sneaky sabotage attempts when it comes to the unknown. The first time breathwork was presented to us, Biet Simkin had been hilariously introduced by Russell on Friday night and we turned on our heels and left. Steph and I exchanged our reasons for not being interested as we walked away and that was that.
Then, she was introduced again on Sunday.
"Let's all get high on our breath together!" Russell is announcing like a feverish addict, and this time we stayed. I joined onto the line formed by newly formed friends. Everyone else seemed to know what they were doing and holding hands made me feel daft but I urged myself to stick with it.
Steph was going to stand back. She would catch any of us if we passed out, which might sound like a ridiculous excuse yet someone really had passed out during a previous session so it wasn't ridiculous, but maybe it was an excuse.
The breathwork began, groups of four inhales and exhales. Biet's voice rang out, her new tune Orion haunting and alluring filled the air (I listen to it every morning now when I wake up) and the air filled me. We raised and lowered our arms in time with our breathing, in and out.
How I felt in those moments will live with me for a long time and just like the saying goes with classic drugs, there will be no hit like that first hit.
And just like with classic drugs what I experienced was connection, warmth, peace, confidence, euphoria, a powerful release, escape, a soaring high that I wished would stay forever.
I cried to the sky and I didn't care if anyone would see but I also knew everyone was so captured in their own experience. By this time I'd felt Steph's hand take my free one, she had joined in too.
It was a full circle from our initial hasty denials to getting involved. And we loved what we found. It represents exactly the problem with our nature as humans and the quest of Community Festival.
If I'm to describe what I felt, it was a deep sense of comfort and being home, a longing, a release and a certainty. When we discussed it afterwards, there were other reports of feeling physically embraced.
What did we feel and why did we feel it?
Science alone doesn't have all the answers.
I think what we did together in that field was on par with group prayer and what we felt was the power we possess as a mass.
Community, Russell and Laura Brand, invited us to connect and we did that on so many levels.
From the macro to the micro, our community within Community and each individual, special connection made between each very special person. I met so many who had so much light to shine, it was beyond inspirational and I made friendships for absolute life.
In a weekend I healed wounds I had never before recognised and have emerged with a new strength, courage and wisdom that allows for me to fulfill who I am more than ever before.
We were warned most humorously to be aware of blurring the line between spirituality and a mental disorder, maybe I found it so hilarious because it rings so true. Yet we were blessed with so many rainbows amid the rain and as cliche as it sounds it reminded me we are rewarded for our endurance. It reminded me there is always dark and light and horror and beauty and you have to accept and ride it all. Life happens whether it's raining or not, so you've got to go for it regardless.
There was even a glistening double rainbow and for those of us who love a sign (another very funny Russell observation and yes, it's me, I do) this represents transformation, new beginnings and the connection between a spiritual and a material world. Very apt for our time in Wye.
On Monday, our last day on site, Steph and I were taking hessian material off of the bin structures and we came across the most lovely looking moth, a Garden Tiger Moth I later researched. And since I'm most definitely one of those people who love signs, it symbolises personal transformation and spiritual growth.
I am not coming away cured, as I once might have hoped for, but instead stripped of a shame I didn't know I harboured for elements of me that just are.
I have always been happy to follow any rules that make sense and serve a genuine purpose.
I, we, followed the vision Russell and Laura had because we could see there was a point.
We educated ourselves.
We stepped out of our comfort zones.
We tried new things.
We connected in so many ways and on so many levels.
I don't think any of us were really prepared for how we'd be feeling in the aftermath.
We've set up a WhatsApp group to stay in touch with our mini community, and I know there are others also created off the back of this special event.
We've all experienced sharp clarity upon returning to our regular lives. The contrast of that weekend has made our isolation become unignorable, and we fortunately have each other to lean on moving forward in our respective journeys.
We were gifted our own unique set of seeds throughout our time at Community and provided with a fertile basis to found roots. I have no doubt mighty fruits will be formed.
Our special podcast is already out, sharing what we discovered and a whole load of cool stuff from cool people, including a poem about Vaginas from the Poisonous Pixie plus what caused me to almost pass out, the relevance to this article's title- and it wasn't the breathwork.
We also have our exciting next stage under development, which involves a double decker bus and touring the UK to not only collaborate with many of the wonderful creatives we met but also share our quest for self-discovery and acceptance for diversity.
We can't wait to help more communities connect and hope we get to introduce you to A Different Bus at Community 2024 next year.
Russell, you said you were accepting undue credit for a festival you did nothing to arrange and that we were thanking you without cause.
Yet, we are thanking you for just being you.
For daring to be in the moment, to speak and think freely, to be deeply wild and authentic and a whole chaotic, colliding combination of many things.
You are an inspiration to so many and that's why so many are thanking you.
Community brought together the elements that allow for recovery to happen no matter what stage you're at.
No matter if you don't even think you need it.
I am thankful and grateful to have been a part of it and intend to be an active component taking this movement forward.
Were you there?
We'd love to hear from you about your experiences.
Direct contact: Lindziadhd@outlook.com
Have you tuned in to our Podcast yet?
A Different Podcast with Lindzi and Steph is available on all major platforms (@adifferentpodcastofficial)
Did you know we offer free to download awesome guides created for your self-discovery and empowerment? Head to our shop and look for the green FREE tabs.
We hope you have enjoyed reading this article, by Lindzi.